I edited these and write this as she sleeps in the room next to me, it is her room now. I have a big 5 month old, with her own room. The first night she spent over there my heart weighed heavy. She seemed to far away. My ears were tuned for any peep made, and those first couple of nights she slept right through until day break, and so did I. The sleep is something to be grateful for, don't get me wrong but even after a month I lay in bed readying my self for sleep and I miss her.
I had so many people during my pregnancy tell me to soak it all in, specifically because they missed it and wished for it back. I smiled politely and roled my eyes internally because I weighed 20+ pounds more, couldn't get through grocery store aisles if someone else was in them, and couldn't sleep on my back, stomach or even my right side, so no thank you lady, I won't be wishing this back. (Side note: through all of that was the most amazing adventure and I wouldn't change a moment of it for the world). Do not get me wrong I don't agree with those crazies, even still but I do miss one thing, and this month is the first month it has really hit me. I miss her nearness. She was always there. I never had to leave her with my momma or B when I go off to sessions or weddings, she would just come with. Even simpler I never had to sleep without her near. I am so glad I get to kiss her toes, snuggle into those big chubby cheeks, and see her smiles. But let me tell you leaving her behind brings tears to my eyes every time.
This past month I heard two of the most beautiful noises I have ever heard. The first was at the beginning of the month, I woke up to this little voice in the other room. It made me smile and I just stood outside still groggy and sleepy but my heart was singing at the noise coming from that bed. We most often hear in in the morning or when she has a hand in her mouth but she also coos and squeaks while I play worship music in the car. It is pretty adorable. The second noise I heard only last week as I was tickling neck. She gave me the biggest belly laugh that was full of tickles and joy. Moment of honesty, I cried. I literally burst out into tears of pure joy, it was such a moment. The best of moments so far.
So that is pretty much month five! Lots of emotions, so much love and tons of fun to spend everyday with E and welcome papa home from work with big smiles and lots of smooches.
